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Lyda has a very bad hair day

I've hijacked this sad-ass "page" for my own nefarious plans....

Check it: this is what the author REALLY looks like. She's no beauty queen standing next to some marble statue of an angel... all serious and scholarly looking. What crock. She's a dork. Just like you and me, baby.

Lyda makes moose horns

I erased all that witty crap about being born in California too. The grrl spent the first six months of her life there. She doesn't even remember the place! What, is she ashamed of being from LaCrosse? Home, I might add, of the world's largest six-pack. Now THERE'S something to be proud of.

I notice the things Lyda left out of her biography, too. The embarrassing shit. Like how she has a crush on Hong Kong film star Jet Li (Have you seen some of his movies?) Or, how, she might be found driving around Minneapolis/St.Paul in a car built two decades ago (a Honda civic) loudly singing: "I'm her Big Ten Daddy; she's my little Ms. Honky Tonk..." She OWNS seven Garth Brooks albums for Chrissake! This woman has no taste!!

Lyda's junior prom

Oh, yes, this is the same woman. Only, here's a picture of Lyda circa 1985. Nice prom dress, grrl. What were you thinking? And a blonde? Who knew!

Where was I? Oh, yeah, back to music... Don't even ask her about Placido Domingo singing mariachi... You DON'T even want to know.

And, of course, I notice she also neglected to mention her comic book collection. Oh sure, she's got some wicked X-Men issues, but she has nearly the entire run of Warlord and Booster Gold. Yikes. The only redeeming thing about the woman's comic taste is her deep, undying affection for Jack Kirby and the Web Comic PvP.

Oh, yeah, and taste... this grrl has none in movies either. Her favorite films? Crap. 13th Warrior. And, then she there was the time she saw Being John Malkovich, and when her friends asked her about it. She admitted to not knowing who John Cusak was. What has Lyda been living under a rock? She even admitted IN PRINT that she liked the remake of Godzilla with Matthew Broderick. Speaking of "Mouse," where do you think she stole the idea for me?? I'll give you a hint, it wasn't Schenectady.